The Flower

When I look back into the old days, it feels like a complete different era from which I am in now. An era which almost gives off a sense of immature, simple contentment of a clueless child; we all were simply trying to find ourselves, recover the souls which have been sacked and raided by various means. Some may say it was a mere chance, a coincidence or a tricky play of the universe. But soon after it was made crystal clear by the events which fell upon us that it was something meant to be.

When I reminisce of the events and moments which came after I realize how stubborn and strong you were. As well as how weak you were. You were as weak as I am. And that is why we could see through things the same way together. That made the connection. We could play, laugh, fall down, wound ourselves, cry, ponder, say stupid things, do stupid things and more than anything be there for each other: at least for the moments we needed the most. One after another, there was always something waiting. One after another, there was another race to run. It was only fun because you were there to push and cheer me on. I know you would say the same thing. Again and again.

I was good with the written words. But I was never a hero nor a champion with saying them aloud. My greatest regret to the date is not being able to honestly say how much grateful I am to you. I was always always thankful. But being the naive and spineless fool I am, I always acted as if I did not feel it. No matter how much I scream or stress on that I will never be able to return the kindness and affection you offered. It weighs me down still...

"Those days are left no more...", you would say one day. I do not know when but the thought alone feels like a time bomb in my heart which I do not know when will go off. "Do your best...!", I would say mustering all the strength I could gather to hold back my tears while forcing a smile like an idiot. Our last words would be so short yet so agonizing. Alone, I will uselessly try to fit all the pieces together in your jigsaw puzzle. I will try to run back to those days, to relive those fragments of memories.

I wasn't able to honestly say, "Thank you!". I will hate myself for not being able to say those words. You are one very special person and I really really like you. I believe in you. I believe in the days.

So I put all these feelings and memories into this seed of a flower.
I will sow it, water it and let it bloom into a beautiful Flower.
I will nurture it, care for it.
And even though sometimes it gets scattered or crushed or about to perish, surely I will never let it wither away.

No matter how much time lapses, no matter how far you traverse,
I will keep that flower inside my heart until it eventually turns into dust.
I will care for it and nurture it no matter how painful it will be,
for its fragrance will always find its way to you and those memories.

-omg-